


Fallen angels

by Tigi



Category: Stranger Things RPF
Genre: Other, reflecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:49:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22228171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigi/pseuds/Tigi
Summary: I was once good now I am a devil
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Billy Hargrove's Mother
Kudos: 1





	Fallen angels

If children are Angel's then I would be a fallen angel.

I was once an angel myself, innocent and loved.

But now I'm more like demon.

I felled.

It wasn't a pleasant fall.

I was torn apart piece by piece from my own father. It wasn't the pain of the hits that broke me. No it was the feeling of being betrayed and sadness.

He always says why I deserve my punishment, he names every reason that comes to his mind. Everything I'm doing wrong is a excuse for him to hurt me again and again.

I will never be good enough for him.

It is not that I not tried, I did. But everything I tried, just disappointed him.

Even when I'm doing what he says to me I'm doing it wrong.

This is what really hurts.

Not the physical pain, no it is the disappointed look in his eyes.

The way of how he looks at me, like I'm not even worth his hits and kicks.

He talks about responsibility and respect.

These two are his favourite words and he always says I have to learn them.

He acts like it is all my fault. That he has the right to teach me lessons, at least he calls it this.

He broke my arm once and he wasn't shocked. He just said It's a lesson son remember it and maybe someday you will be a real man.

Funny, I suppose I think a real man would protect his children, not hurt them.

He isn't a real man, or at least not a good.

But the said reality?

Neither am I.

If I would walk across the street and you would see me.

You would get out of my way.

Everyone goes out of my way.

I'm fine with it, neither I want nore deserve somebody to care about me.

They all look the other way when they see the bruises he left, nobody ever asked. Not even when I was so young that I hadn't started trouble until then.

After all they think he's a little demon, a devil's child.

And they are right I'm wild and violent.

I never act the way I'm supposed to act.

And why should I? After all everything I do is bullshit in my fathers eyes. Why shouldn't I not at least have some fun before he teaches me a "lesson"?

You would maybe say to me you don't have to be like him, you can be better.

But your wrong Ican't be better I don't deserve to be better.

And I simply can't be better.

To be good, to be a angel is exhausting.

I know because I was once an angel for somebody.

I was perfect in her eyes, I couldn't do something wrong.

I was her little angel, I believed she loved me. And she was my angel, she was perfect in my eyes. In my memory she is still perfect. But it is only my memory and memories fade away.

So is mine.

I discovered one day I wasn't here angel, maybe she find a new angel for herself.

I don't know and I don't care, at least that is what I'm pretending.

After she left I wasn't anybody's angel anymore.

I become a demon in my fathers eyes.

Before she left I tried to be perfect for her.

Now I'm trying to be what he expects me to be.

And this is to be violent and evil, a demon.

I won't change and I can't be saved anymore.

I still miss her and I only have my memories.

I can only hope that someday I will earn me some peace, maybe even in heaven.

Maybe I will see her again


End file.
